Jade’s Top Five Jerks in Fiction (pt 1.)
Tuesday November 6, 2012 at 3:00 am |

Books are my world, and I especially look forward to meeting the many great and wonderful guys that they bring me.  But when I run across a fictional guy that’s just an out and out douche, I want to rant to the world all about him in all his douchebaggery glory.  The old jerks as well as the new all have one thing in common.  I CAN’T STAND them, and wish they’d all go jump off a fictional cliff and die a horrible fictional death!  Really in no particular order because you just can’t rate ratchedness.

5.  Edward Cullen from the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer:

He’s a throwback jerk as his story has been out and concluded for some time.  Really I never understood the swooning over this guy.  He was more hormonal than Bella and all of his ‘sister’s’ put together and made up of so much bitchassness I couldn’t stand it.  The back and forth mood swings in the beginning of Twilight, the obsessing and stalking of Bella, and the controlling issues were all such big turn offs.  If this guy existed, in real life, I think 85% of sane women would have taken out a restraining order and run the other way.  The part that continues to appall me to this day, was the extremes he went to to keep Bella away from her BEST FRIEND!  Breaking her truck…WTF is that about?  And buying his sister some expensive ride so she would willingly hold Bella hostage!?  Hellooooo…what part of that is sexy?  Doesn’t make me want to consider giving him the come hither look at all!  And then when he was willing to share her ass in BD so she could have babies…now what now?  Somebody please tell me what part of the game is that?

4.  Jag Barque from Possession by Elana Johnson:

This one just makes me shake my head.  From the first introduction we have of Jag, I honestly thought I would like this dude, but he soon became a HUGE disappointment.  First the fact that he’s in love with Vi in a matter of a couple days troubles me to no end.  And then he proceeds to treat this girl that he’s so in love with like shit.  He gets super angry at the stupidest things and then hauls off and leaves the girl in the wilderness by herself after promising not to.  And then when she finds him again, acts as if nothing at all happened, gives a lame apology, and then turns right around and DOES IT ALL OVER AGAIN!  Not to mention he was prone to burst into tears at any given moment..it was just weird ya’ll, and he consistently lies and withholds information.  Jag is a tried and true jackass, and I wished for his demise throughout this book.

3.  Theon Greyjoy from the Song of Ice and Fire series by George R.R. Martin:

Oh Theon…how I longed to bitch slap you and choke your ass out for the despicable ish you pulled!  How could you!?  First and foremost, the way you treat women is deplorable, and I spent a lot of time wishing one of those women you used and abused would cut your man parts off and shove them down your throat.  You do not have the strength nor the capabilities to lead, and your move against the Starks…PURE TREACHERY!  Your own family doesn’t respect you, and I sure as hell don’t.  I hope and pray you get what’s coming to you.

2.  Galen from Of Poseidon by Anna Banks:

Not too much to say about him except he’s kind of a controlling asshole.  Stalkerish and condescending to his love interest.  Again I missed the memo about when this became sexy, but I’m just not falling for these types.  The fact that he followed this girl on her date and gave the date ‘stalker eyes’ concerns me.  Not to mention he is always talking to her as if she’s a child.  No bueno!

1.  Christian Grey from the Fifty Shades series by E.L. James:

I pretty much hate him for all the same reasons I hate Edward.  Controlling, obsessive stalker with a mommy syndrome.  Can we say ICK to the fact that all his subs looked like his mother!  Gets off on causing pain to women…wouldn’t that be a sexual sadist?  I’mma say no thank you.  Not to mention he’s condescending, talks down to Anna, and is really kind of demeaning to women in general.  He has more issues than Time magazine, and frankly I don’t find it realistic for a girl whose never been in a relationship to want to take them on.  Just don’t buy it.  The fact that he wanted so much from Anna without really wanting to give anything up himself infuriated me.  He is a major douche to the nth degree, so why he’s making the rounds as a heartthrob has me completely and utterly baffled.  Just NO!


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Written by Jade

Jade is a book blogger from NC. In her spare time she loves to read and build and maintain websites. She has been reading since she was four and building websites since she was 16. SortofBeautiful.com was born on March 8, 2011 and is a fantastic merging of her two favorite hobbies. Enjoy your stay!

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11 Responses to “Jade’s Top Five Jerks in Fiction (pt 1.)”

  1. Ha! I admit that I was one of the readers slightly swooning over Edward but the part where he disables her truck really made me question the guys character. I was so upset with Bella for leaving her window open for him after that! lol I’m over it now but, wow, that was infuriating.

    There was something off about Jag for me from the start.

    I’m not really familiar with Theon or Galen but they sound like world-class jerks.

    Fifty Shades was a DNF for me and I didn’t like Christian AT ALL when I stopped reading. Since he made your list, I guess he doesn’t get any more likable as the book goes on.

    Great list, Jade!

    • Jade Jade says:

      Me too! I wish she had shut it on his fingers! But then again, I hated Bella as much as I hated Edward, those two worked my nerves.

      I like the initial mystery surrounding Jag. But when he got back to the cell and was acting so strange and then burst into tears with no explanation, I knew he would not live up to my expectations of a male hero.

      As I didn’t finish reading the series, I can only hope he gets better. But from reading the first one and what I hear of the others, there aren’t too many redeeming qualities.

  2. I love your list. I love that you start and end it with two popular characters. You go girl!

    • Jade Jade says:

      Edward and Christian are mirror images of each other. I guess it was only natural what I detest about Edward I detest about Christian as well. Thanks!

  3. Molli says:

    A friend of mine just keeps insisting “you’ll love Christian.” I’m not convinced because I HATED Edward Cullen, and I know 50 Shades started out as Twilight fanfic. I loathe creepers. Stalking is NOT love, teen girls. It just isn’t. I HATE Twilight, and Bella. Edward was an okay character but paired with Bella, he was SO disgusting. Team Jake forever and always!

    • Jade Jade says:

      Molli Christian is Edward set in a different world and add the kinky sex stuff. And I agree, I think I would have less animosity for Edward if Bella were never in a picture. They seemed to bring out and magnify the worst in each other.

  4. I love this list! I find that I dislike any love interest that is controlling. I don’t care how much he is supposedly looking out for the heroine or how there is supposedly a good reason for it, I don’t like it. I always pick the least controlling guy in the love triangles. Thus, my favorites never get the girl. Go figure.

    • Jade Jade says:

      Thanks! I’m totally with you. I’m just not down with these controlling dudes. As a grown woman, they are able to judge and take care of themselves and don’t need dudes to take over every aspect of their lives under the guise of keeping them safe.

  5. Note to self: Don’t get on Jade’s bad side. LOL

    You know, I am totally Team Edward, but when you describe him that way, yeah, I can totally see his cray-cray side. And since Christan was based off of Edward, it makes sense that he makes the list too.

    • Jade Jade says:

      LOL…the funny thing is Missie is that I would have thought Eddy an ok kinda guy if Bella hadn’t come into his life. He needed somebody he could be a little more normal with. Bella made him obsessive and his emotions ran extreme in one direction or the other. He was never balanced with her.

  6. Gry Ranfelt says:

    The strange thing is that I don’t have a problem with Theon being a jerk. The POINT of Theon as a character is that he is a jerk. Sort of how Petyr is a manipulative bastard. But it’s okay because the writer is writing them that way on purpose.
    On the other hand, Edward and Grey are giant jerks yet the writers didn’t mean it that way and people certainly don’t perceieve it.
    Jerks exist in real life. The problem is when writers write jerks as if we should love them, while in real life we would hate them.